Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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