My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
His nipple licking is glorious
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