fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
