I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
