found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
me + whiskey = a bad person
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
