You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
