Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
