nut hugger
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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