I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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