You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
