Cold hands, warm shart.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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