I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
