If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
