You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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