i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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