Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
