eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
