she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
