Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
dude. I can hear the air.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
