Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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