guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
