Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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