two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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