Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
