That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
