I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
