i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
