There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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