That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
