He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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