I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
