I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
