Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
