I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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