his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
