Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
