The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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