i may or may not be watching the land before time
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
