This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
