I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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