Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?