we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful