my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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