i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking