apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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