he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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