My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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