So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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