Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
