there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
