And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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