Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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