just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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