Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
