Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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