U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
