I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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