if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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