Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
