Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
