omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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