just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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