The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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