Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we made out on top of his cat.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
